The Relationship Counsellor

A relationship is based on conversation between the two people involved, more than anything else. At times, there’s no way around but to be vocal about certain things, when with your partner. While it may be hurtful or unpleasant at the moment, more than often, it does good in the long haul. Here are seven things you must let your partner know, to be in a healthy relationship. 1. Sex? Not now, please So you are not in the mood to do it and he is probing you about the same? Don’t just give in to his demands or feel obliged to do the bed-deed, because it’s OK to say no. Be vocal about it times when you don’t want to have sex. This is an important detail you should not keep away from him. 2.My expectations Where’s this relationship heading at? You prefer the FWB (friends with benefits) bit, or is this something much more than the regular attraction, or are you sure about a future with this man? These are things he needs to know, because well, you’ve got to be sure how he feels abou...

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All living organisms require attention to survive and thrive. Infants, children, adults, animals and even plants wither and wilt without sufficient care and attention. Attention is needed not only for our physical survival but also for our psychological health and wellbeing and is a necessary element for relationship health. How we provide and receive attention determines the nature and duration of our love relationship. In “What Brain Research Says About Paying Attention” Researchers Robert Sylwester and Joo-Yun Cho state, “Our ability to maintain attention is affected by normal cyclical fluctuations in the efficacy of the neurotransmitter molecules that chemically regulate attention.” In his neurological sleep studies Researcher J. Allan Hobson found that these fluctuations occur in ninety-minute cycles throughout each day. These findings are enlightening in understanding some individuals’ fatigue and need to withdraw from conversations or emotional exchanges when their atten...

Education is the legacy of every well-meaning society; the impact of education on the society is beyond doubt a determining factor on how well the society fare among its peers, in a country of 180 million people having a literacy rate of 52% and still declining and with real educated rate at 24.4 %, this is no doubt a major setback. The foundation of our educational system is faulty and if not fixed as a matter of urgency, this nation will collapse in no time. This bug is a timed bomb waiting to explode. It is wisely said that when you build mansions and refuse to build your children, the children will ruin the mansions, with over 12.7 million children out of school, Nigeria constitute 48% of the world out of school children, this implies that Nigeria is educationally disadvantaged. Nigeria as a nation have the resources to implement free and compulsory standard quality education in all fairness across all levels (primary, secondary, vocational, tertiary) but the reverse is the c...

A young man asked if he could marry while in College. He said, “I am 22 years old College student. I dated a girl for over 2 years. We had a lot of fun together. We studied together as well. My family advised me to go and marry her because she was afraid that we might have sex before marriage. Both of us work part-time. Our collective salaries even do not suffice us if we move to a new apartment on our own. I am thinking to get married while I am still living with my mom and siblings.” Thousands of College students face the same dilemma every year if they can get married while in College or wait until after graduation. Sometimes there’s a lot of pressure coming from families who are afraid of those young partners to indulge in sex outside of marriage. Some girls’ families as well may be afraid of seeing their daughter get knocked up while still in College. I also see a lot of younger couples who got married and behave like mature enough. They never skip a class. They a...

Most people procrastinate in executing certain tasks. Some justify their delayed performance by various explanations while others berate themselves and are perplexed about the reasons for their self-hindering habits. Many people assume that their procrastination is due to the tasks being boring, burdensome, unpleasant or difficult. Others maintain that they do so because it is a required, not a volitional choice and thus it impedes their autonomy. Some claim that boredom, or fears of failure may sway them from timely performance. Others resent trading unsatisfying activities for soothing, pleasing or enjoyable ones. Though all these reasons may be occasionally correct they are not the true causes of procrastination. What does propel us to continue delaying some actions in spite of grave or even punitive consequences?

Throughout history, marital relationships’ strength and desirability has been based upon social, economic, religious and survival factors that were modulated by philosophical, cultural, societal and emotional views. Traditionally, the man had the power and authority to make most major decisions within the union.

From early childhood we are told that we must learn to share our toys and belongings with others. We are also coached to associate sharing with being a good person and friend. Interestingly enough, as firmly as this lesson is preached, the skill of sharing is hard to practice throughout our lives and relationships. Couples often struggle with various issues that are related to sharing. Transitioning from being single to being a half of a committed relationship labels the problem from the start. Mates have to agree on sharing their space, their belongings, their money, time and attention. So why after all the years of indoctrination into a sharing mode does one keep struggling to achieve this function easily? The answer lies in the fact that sharing is a social need that supports groups, but is not in line with the instinctual survival need of each individual. The person who gets more of the food, the roomier space, the better advantage of any asset is more likely to thrive. Ins...

1. We're guaranteed to make your day better, like a human version of pizza.  Had a crappy day at work? Get in a fight with your best friend? You know that if you call us up to hang out, we'll get you laughing. 2. Funny guys are like garlic: bland stuff suddenly gets way better.  We'll make even boring stuff awesome.​ Do you have to go help your brother move out of his dorm? Bring us along. Awkward family wedding? Check and see if you get a plus-one.

When you get suspicious that your significant other is cheating, be careful not to appear to be paranoid. You have to walk a fine line — you don't want to make false accusations. So, while I'm sharing this list of cheating red flags, I concede that it's a tricky situation. It's hard to be sure if someone's cheating, but protect yourself: Be vigilant, and pay attention to your mind and spirit within the relationship. But, at the same time, be careful not to let anxiety lead the way because unnecessary paranoia will just drive your lover away. Here are some red flags that may signal that your significant other is cheating: 1. Less Sex Unless he's Superman, he can only have so much sex. So, if he's getting it from another source, you might notice. Whether it's another woman or a porn addiction — even if he's not cheating — a decrease in sex signals serious issues in the relationship. 2. Jumpy Cell Phone Habits In a perfect world, we...

1. “To let the lips talk” After talking and using so many words, kissing is a way we expess intimacy that no words can articulate. 2. “It is a sign of pleasure” We close our eyes every time we are experiencing something pleasurable; when we listen to a beautiful song, when we pray, when we worship, when we sleep, when having an orgasm, when drinking sweet chocolate. 3. “It is a sign of trust” You don’t have to be eyes-wide opened and on the look out when you are in a place of trust and security. 4. “It heightens pleasure” When one of your five senses is blocked, the other senses are heightened in function; ask the blind, the deaf or dumb. When you close your eyes when kissing, your sense of touch that connects your lips is heightened. You concentrate on the sweetness of the lips.

Often times you stay in a relationships knowing it would eventually die off. This happens because you enter into relationships overlooking your partner's flaws and shortcomings, with hope that things would turn out better in time. This is simply settling for less than you deserve out of fear of being alone or because you can predict life with this person. Still wondering what the signs are? Here are 5 things that show your relationship is wrong for you according to Huffington Post relationship experts: 1. You are stuck in a fantasy of who your partner should be rather than looking at who they really are:  It's easy to overlook your partner's flaws and incompatibilities at the start of a relationship but it's advisable to stop fantasizing and see your partner for who they are. 2. You and your partner don't share personal goals that are alike in any way:  When you don't believe in each other's dreams, it can spell a big problem for your relationship....

It’s amazing the number of couples who leap into a long term and legal commitment together without talking through the serious issues of managing a life together. Often, caught up in the rush of intense feelings for one another, couples only find out after they’ve made a huge commitment to one another that in fact, they may have some fundamentally different beliefs and approaches to key aspects of life. You can still be a great match for one another but still have very different views and beliefs. This is why it’s important to make sure you’ve thoroughly discussed future issues now, rather than before you  make the commitment . You can be surer of being ready to make that commitment if you at least talk through this much: 1. What are you deal breakers? Do you each know where your boundaries are? What will betray the other? What you absolutely will not put up with? Know those and know them well. Doing this enables you both to know the expectations you have of one another and...

If you have plans to take a shot at the future with your partner, then there are some kinds of temptations you need to avoid at at all cost. Some of these things come at the beginning of your relationship while other things may be in the later stages when you become both used to each other. You may be guilty of falling into these unhealthy patterns in your relationship, but you can always do a double-check and declare a fresh start for you and your partner. Alicia Fanning of All Women Stalk  lists a few of these things you may be guilty of doing: Moving to fast:  One temptation at the #beginning of a relationship is to move too fast. Give yourself #time to decide if you like this guy. He may not be what he seems at first. Give your #relationship time to bloom naturally. It’s always better when #things happen the way they’re meant to instead of being forced along. If you’ve already moved too fast, you can still choose to slow down now. Making him your whole world:...

1. You can never ever have the best of sex outside of marriage. . 2. Only sex with your husband or wife is a sexual intercourse without shame and regret. . 3. There is always a string which the devil uses pulls you to your sexual partners if you keep in touch with them after marriage. . 4. The memories of all your sexual escapades have a way of resurfacing when you are having sex with your spouse. .

1. The Chatterbox: This is the woman who never shuts up, barely stopping to breathe. Seemingly only concerned about what is going on in her life, she always has to make a comment about everything and dominates conversations. 2. The Desperate Chick: This type of woman will seem fantastic at first, until she starts talking about your wedding location, how many kids she wants and the name of your future dog–right after the first date! When a woman advances WAY faster than normal,watch out. She needs a man so bad that she’s willing to put anybody in that slot, even the homeless guy on the corner. 3. The Overly-Critical Woman: Anything you do for this type of woman is simply not good enough. Nothing seems to work unless it is done according to her standards. Anything that is said by anyone will be quickly taken out of context to become some sort of insult or some reason to wage war against the world. This type of woman has plenty of emotional baggage and will make you ...

Sex apart from creating intimacy can also help the mind and body at the same time. It brings out the beauty in you and can creates better health of mind and body. Krystle Crossman  lists 10 ways sex makes you beautiful: Your hair becomes shinier after a roll in the hay. The production of estrogen increases in women who frequently have intercourse which contributes to healthier hair. Having frequent “nookie” can make you look younger. Three times per week or more can give you a youthful glow which can help with your inner beauty as well.

The best laid out plans still has a tendency of going wrong. And being humans that we are, there's also a high chance of panicking or getting really cranky when things don't go as planned. This article is really about keeping your cool even when your plans are not going as you initially thought it would. Allison Bryant of All Women Stalk  gives a few tips on how to control the situation around you even when it seems to be out of your control: Don't panic! It might not be as bad as you think:  The first step is to not panic; the situation might not be as bad as you think. Take a step back and #look at it objectively. Your initial assumption that it's all going wrong may not be right. Once you've thought about it, you might realise there's no need to worry. Or you may be able to turn #things around.

This article written by  Mom Logic  for  YourTango  explains why it is dangerous for married women who have kids to love them more than their husbands. The relationship writer and psychologist says many couples with young children often find themselves exhausted, angry, and disconnected in their marriage mainly because the women focus on her children leaving the husband to throw himself into more work. She writes that this may seem like a good idea for a time, but as this goes on, the relationship will begin to suffer greatly. When we get married and before we have kids, as couples, we have the time, energy, and money to devote to our relationship.

1. A slam poetry reading.  There is a time and a place for slam poetry (in theory; in practice it is my personal idea of hell), and that is NOT when two people are just beginning to get to know each other. You'll get to know a hell of a lot about the poets, since it's a share-fest up in there. 2. Your amateur comedy show/rock concert/whatever.  Baby Jesus, sweet baby Jesus in his swaddling cloth, please do not. Because, well, see #1, plus the added discomfort of you potentially sucking. Such a bad vibe for a date.